From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
