I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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