I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
