Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
