how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
