I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
