this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
