I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
