I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
