i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no