Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?