he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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