There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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