Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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