i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
