I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
