Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
