Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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