I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
