At least make sure they are 18
Why
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
