Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
