My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
