There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
