This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
