so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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