tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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