my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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