3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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