He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
