If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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