you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh god it's open bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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