he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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