coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
