filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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