I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize