I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
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words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So much puke
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?