As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
