I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
