if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
handjob tips. give me some.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
