I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
