i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
