We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
