I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
