I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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