The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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