I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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