I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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