I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
