my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Welp...herpes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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