Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
