please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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