babies were throwing up all over the place
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
