If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
