Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
