just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
