You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
