I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize