Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls

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(816): View more from Missouri

We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(705): View more from Ontario

I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.

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(210): View more from Texas

Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.

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(661): View more from California

‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.

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