You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I cut my penus on the lid.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
