smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.