So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.