His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
