He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
