Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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