my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
