my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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