Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
