he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
