If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
