I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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