i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
