she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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